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The Traveling Manatee
2010
Manatee Migration Habits
By Fawn Chandler
In preparation for this speech I tracked to the best of
my ability the path of our very own traveling manatee from her
first visit on... ** Disclaimer ** Due to the foggy
memories of ALL members of the DBBC, this report may be filled
with half-truths and/or inaccuracies!
For those of you who don’t know, our manatee is a female Florida
Manatee with calf. The Florida Manatee is a subspecies of the
West Indian Manatee, known to range from Brazil to Mexico. So
what is she doing in Florida?? She was brought here illegally
by Fran and Dori Klindt, to their home in Port Orange; ladies
and gentlemen; we have got two illegal aliens on our hands!
Let’s see just where this illegal duo migrated to from Port
Orange.... She arrived at the Grimshaw’s house in Daytona Beach.
Why the Grimshaws you ask? We all know manatees like warm
water, so it makes perfect sense that they would also gravitate
towards hot air (of which I hear there is an abundance of at the
Grimshaws).
She made her way from the Grimshaws to the Funks in OB- found on
a boat, under a boat cover in the driveway. She then
traveled back to the known perpetrators Fran & Dori’s house - in
the kitchen sink - likely out of food stamps and needing to
stock up. I was unable to track her exact path for the next few
months, but I know she visited the Traudts - OB, Thalheimers -
OB, and Sue Harris - OB.
She found her way to Charlie and Mary Blakes in South Daytona.
The next migration trail I found was to the Bowden's home in OB,
then on to the Kirbys - also in OB. From the Kirbys to **
correction! ** Gary & Suzanne Zimmerman, OB. From there she
traveled (with poem in hand) to Sam & Trudi Blacks, OB
(who have no such recollection of said poem) - they
found her on their door step (obviously looking for another
handout!)
From there she appeared under a purple umbrella on the front
porch of Buddy & Judee Mckernans -OB - you got it, more free
shelter for our two illegal aliens. Buddy must have kicked her
to the curb, because she left there and wound up at Jack & Peggy
Tanges home - OB.
At this point I’m starting to wonder why there are so many
manatee zones on the St. Johns River which is nowhere near
Ormond Beach?!?!?!?
From there I lost track of her for a while, those illegals can
be real slippery!
She somehow managed to show up at the Rummage Sale, and then
snuck her way back to Wayne & Barbara Bowdens house (Ormond
Beach) ... this “hot air” idea is really starting to make sense
now!
So far this illegal duo have been mostly living off the backs of
the good people of Ormond Beach... but her next migratory stop
isn’t quite as fruitful...
She made the mistake of migrating to Deland, on the front porch
of the God-fearing, law abiding home of Rick and Fawn Chandler
(yes, that’s me) and was promptly put under house arrest until
the INS could be contacted. Don’t worry folks, we had her fixed
so she couldn’t bear a calf on US soil to gain residency. She
begged us to take her to the Welfare office to get food stamps,
housing, medical care, a social security card and free
education, but we wouldn’t hear of it! Of course we didn’t feed
her or her calf one morsel because that’s against the law in the
State of Florida!
Sadly, before we had a chance to have her deported she fled to
the Powell’s boat sitting at Halifax Harbor Marina in Daytona
Beach, obviously looking for a sympathetic hand (and more hot
air). SHE FOUND BOTH! Yes they fed her, housed her, clothed
her, let her swim in their pool, heck they probably even gave
her a job under the table, because I haven’t seen nor heard from
her since!
Now on to a more serious matter:
Under federal law Marine Mammal Protection Act
of 1972 it is unlawful for any person, at any time, to
intentionally or negligently catch, annoy, molest, harass,
disturb, or feed any manatee. That means at least half of us in
this room right now should be in jail. This illegal alien has
been allowed to roam free in our community, given free food,
free medical care, free housing, and an all around free ride and
put us all at risk. She must be stopped before
one of us (or all of us) end up in jail for aiding and abetting
an illegal!
Additionally; I would like to remind Larry that while she has
never paid her dues to the club, she continues to enjoy all the
benefits of being a member. She needs to be caught and stopped,
or forced to file for residency the proper way, pay her dues and
only then be allowed to join the DBBC. WE HAVE RULES!
In conclusion, I think we should all get together to petition
against the many Manatee Speed Zones on the Florida waterways,
as I did not once see our illegal manatee in any of the slow or
idle zones.... is it because momma manatee can't read English?
Let's act now, or next time you head out on the water you may
see this:
I just received the following email from our very own Traveling
Manatee who does not have spell check... Fawn
 AFTER
A NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCE I WAS ABLE TO ESCAPE MY CAPTORS, WHO FOR
SOME REASON TOOK ME TO HALIFAX MARINA ON THE 4 TH WEEKEND, I
FOUND A GREAT HIDING PLACE, BEACH HOUSE III, HERE WE WERE SAFE
FROM BEING USED AS A PARKING CURB, HUNG IN A TREE AND EVEN AN
ATTEMP TO BAR B QUE ME AMD MY LITTLE ONE.
JUST
FOR THE RECORD, WE DO NOT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN!
AS I SURVEYED OUR SITIATION I FOUND THAT WE COULD USE THE BOAT
AS A MEANS TO ESCAPE. JUST AS I WAS ABOUT TO HOT
WIRE THE MOTORS THE
 OWNERS CAME
ONBAORD AND WE ALL SCREAMED. ONCE WE HAD ALL CALMED DOWN, THEY
SAID THEY WOULD
TAKE SPECIAL CARE OF ME AND MY LITTLE ONE.
WE TRAVELED TO THE INTERIOR OF THE STATE. OUR STAY AT THIS NEW
PLACE HAS BEEN GREAT.
I (WE) HAVE FLOATED IN THE POOL- WE SPENT TIME IN THE WARM
WATERS OF THE SPA- AND WE WERE SERVED
LOTS OF FRESH WATER AND BAGS OF OUR
 FAVORITE FOOD ROMAINE
LETTUCE WHEVER WE WANTED IT.
THIS IS A FAR CRY FROM OUR
PREVIOUS STOP!!! MY (OUR) ONLY WORRY IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT AS
THESE NICE PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO LEAVE TOWN.
THE
WANDERING MANATEE
Sunday, June 13th 2010: Rick & Fawn arrived home from
a fabulous, 2 week trip to the Bahamas to find this creature on
their doorstep. They attempted to locate an appropriate
"rodent removal" service to no avail.
They decided to take matters into their own hands...but had
difficulty determining the most effective means...
 
Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for the little
mother manatee) they somehow managed to escape this near-death
experience... who knows where they will show up next!
Dear friends, the Traveling Manatee has moved again!
(if you are new to the club, please read up on our
little friend here) I just received
the following photos from Barbara Bowden, and you will never
guess what mysteriously appeared at her house with a Birthday
Card!! Hmmmm maybe Wayne should be a little nervous about
this, she seems to REALLY like her (it is a "her", right??)
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